Jun 25, 2010

Tired Routine

Girls/women can be so mean to each other. For some it seems to be hard wired into their DNA. Most of us have had “that” friend. She’s the one that somehow managed to wrap a punch to the gut around every compliment she ever gave you. Or sometimes it was just a nagging little lilt in her voice with the hidden message that you are not as pretty, smart, funny or “fill in your own adjective here” as her.

Some of us were lucky enough to have strong women in our life who taught us about these emotional vampires. We learn that their cruelty isn’t about us. It’s about them and how they feel about themselves. We leave these girls/women behind and seek out friendships built on mutual respect and acceptance.

So why, after 30 years, can a person like this pop up and stir the same emotions in you that she did when you were an insecure teenager? How did she learn your buttons so well and remember how to use them after all this time? Or does she use the same, old tired routine on everybody?

Ignore her.  She doesn’t know me anymore. I doubt she ever really knew me. Let it go. Move on.

Photo credit:  Just Let It Go by Kotama Bouabane


  1. and it's normally women who are like this, i find. as if they have this insatiable need to make themselves feel better at the expense of others. i don't get it.

    it's been much easier for me to cut people like this out of my life in the last few years.

    but it still sucks when they slither into your life and feed off of making you feel bad.

    btw - i sent you an email a few days ago about my opening chapters. not sure if you got it.

  2. I've managed to shed a lot of dead wood like this over the past few years, but in my younger days I would just keep on trying to make these friendships work and take on far more of the blame than I was responsible for. Not now, I'd rather be alone than have people like that in my life.

    Oh and you write really well!

  3. Wow--yeah, women can be so so so cruel. Sometimes I hate my own gender. *smiles* I'll say one thing--it's much easier to work with men than with women, at least that's my experience.

    I'm so sorry that this particular woman stirred up some of those yucky emotions in you. I hope you realize that she's an IDIOT and you are BRILLIANT! :)

  4. Women can be mean. I moved away from those women and have found friends who are supportive and loving. Move away from people who bring you pain. They are not worth the hurt.

  5. Yes she uses the same routine on everybody, somehow it makes her feel better. One of the positives of being older (living life?) is how much easier it is to see through these things. I too am thankful for the strong women in my life. Thanks for being one of them.

  6. mi - it is so obviously all about them and their insecurity. Too bad it takes us awhile to learn that.

    Foxy - They are definitely not worht the time or effort. This particular person hasn't been in my life for 30 years. Facebook opened up a new way for her to connect with her old "friends". And thanks.

    MHP - Thanks. That means a lot coming from you. You are exactly the type of person I am talking about when I talk about making friends based on mutual respect and admiration.... cuz you rock!

    Mom - Amen sister.

    Scarlett - thanks to you too. Us Lauchstaedt women can't help it. It's in our DNA.

  7. One of my regulars at the restaurant, who is a nurse, told me that I'm lucky going into the profession as a male-- that I'll avoid the "politics," which, she said, is mostly "woman" politics.

    I've always wondered how much sports has had to do with the male/female differences in how we deal with one another. I came to realize that one of the things that my son came away with from six years of little league was that the guy you were playing against this year might be on your team next year. You competed during the game and then could be friends off the field. I'm hoping that with more and more girls getting into team sports when they're young, they'll learn the same lesson my son did.

  8. Some people are just totally toxic. Everywhere they go, whoever the talk to, is effected by them.
    cut them out...

  9. I have four sisters - you have perfectly described two of the botches - and I mean that in the nicest possible way - they are both so hard nosed sort of an iron fist in a velvet glove type women - all femme and fluttery and the men fall for it - I can not deal with them and they no longer talk to me - but I have two wonderful sisters who still do talk to me so the balance is struck