Feb 18, 2010

Skin deep

During the middle of the day dermatology offices are filled with very old people with band-aids on their faces, hiding what one can only assume are the wounds from having some growth removed. They wait patiently and watch Ellen on the TV in the corner.

Scattered in among them is a smattering of middle aged women. They are visiting for their latest BOTOX treatment or maybe for a prescription to grow thicker and fuller eyelashes or some other vanity inspired consult.  That is a wild ass assumption that I base on the following observations:

a) how they were dressed,
b) how they appeared to be more impatient than worried and
c) how uncomfortable they were sitting in the waiting room with the band-aid senior league. I think the seniors reminded them that they are waging a losing battle against the ravages of time.

I don’t like Doctors in general. Few of them have good people skills and they usually have some sort of God complex going on. It was my first time to this office. Alarms went off as soon as I noticed the large number of support staff in the office area. There had to to be about 10 of them for a three doctor practice. They were all female, thin and attractive.  Each one of them was wearing white from head to toe, as if the colorful medical garb you routinely see had been banned. I think they were going for a sterile, professional look. It was actually just creepy, sort of like a medical harem or an army of Stepford-like automatons.

What was I doing there? Well, you get a few suspicious moles you think maybe you should go see the Doctor. You know, catching it early and such. Turns out my “moles” are nothing to worry about. The one on my breastbone is an ugly, white cyst and having it removed will create a scar 3x bigger. I will have to live with it.

Cyst is an ugly word.  I'm toying with the idea of painting it with an iris, pupil and some lashes to look like a third eye on my chest, just to freak people out. The mole on my left shoulder blade that occasionally gets all dry and itchy (very un-mole like in my opinion, moles should just sit there and behave) is also nothing to worry about according to the Doctor.

The actual time spent with the Doctor and his PA was brief and insulting. He looked like Max Headroom with horned rim glasses. They both acted as if I was a nitwit for wanting to have my "obviously OK" moles checked out.

In a very condescending tone.... "Well moles get dry and itchy like any other part of the skin. Do you moisturize your back?" Um no, I can't reach my back, do I look like a contortionist?  And my husband has better things to do than to slather me with moisturinzing lotion.

"Well, just keep an eye on it and come back if it changes. Do you have somebody to check it for you?" This was said in a sort of pitying way. I think the wedding ring I don't wear made them think I was some sort of sad, lonely spinster with nobody to assess her moles. What would they have said if I had said no? Suggest I get one of those dogs that can sniff out cancer?

To solidify my dislike for this Doctor, as I was walking out I passed by him flirting with a Pharmaceutical Sales Twit. She was blond and giggly. Informing him in a very suggestive voice that she had a "surprise" for him. I made a hasty retreat before I could hear his response. It was like watching soft porn. 


  1. I hate doctors too. I hate their all powerful - it's all about me arrogant attitude. This sounds like an office nightmare.

  2. In defense of doctors, I worked for 4 of the nicest people in the world who happened to be primary physicians too. They truly cared about the people who to see them and worked hard to help them.Our support staff of four people were dressed in comfortable, colorful attire and worked hard to get the job done.
    I dislike arrogant doctors. There are a lot of them

  3. This comment has been removed by the author.

  4. Two words: TOLD YOU!!!!!!!!!!
    I told you he was bad. He said the same thing to me about my mole, and made me feel dumb for worrying about it. Isn't that how he makes money, from people worrying about moles? I guess he's already making enough from all those self obsessed middle aged women to care about our money.

  5. "Do you moisturize your back?" Really? Who moisturizes their back? No one I know. That doctor sounds like such an ass.

    And also, I don't wear a wedding ring, either (neither does my hubby). I have one, but it's a bit too big for me (I have lost some weight since then--yay me!), and I just don't wear rings. I don't feel that my hubby and I need them to prove to ourselves or others that we'll be together forever. :)

  6. Some docs are asses some are OK. Never met a really caring, good doc. Sad. I was an RN like mom but always worked in the hospital setting. I don't have a gripe with a dermatologist but with a lung doc. I have asthma. Was trying to control it with a rescue inhaler. Not working. Off to the ER with an attack. Followup with my primary doc. Referral to a lung guy. By the time I could get in I felt a lot better. At the appointment he asked what the problem was...told him and that I felt better now...his comment "Then why are you here?" It went downhill from there with the end observing him grabbing one of the office staff to dance with him to the piped in music. My primary doc gave me a script for a topical chemo so I could manage my facial issues at home...no embarrassing band aids yet. I have to admit, Steve watches my back moles and puts Tiger Balm on my back when I need it for my aches and pains. Want him to email your hubby?

  7. I remember,as a child,Dr. Simon came to our house much more often than we went to his office..Those days are gone.

  8. Rae - Some docs just act as though they are doing you a favor by examining you.

    Mom - Lucky you to work for such caring doctors. I really like my primary care physician but she recently gave up practice to start teaching. I don't like any of the other doctors in her office so I am currently searching for a new one.

    Miss E - I was amazed at how many skin care products and advertisements for prescription drugs he had on display. Clearly that is the bulk of his business.

    MHP - I know, right. What a stupid question. I only wear my wedding ring occasionally. When I do I also wear Jim's. He wore it for the week of our honeymoon and that was enough for him.

    Rosemary - Don't you just want to smack them. All superior, looking at us like we are stupid or something. Jim would moisturize my back for me if I asked but things like that don't occur to me.

    Sling - These days you're lucky to see the doctor even when you go to his office. Usually you get the Nurse Practitioner or Phyisician's Assistant.

  9. That sounds like every doctor I have ever met apart from the one wonderful one who helped my daughter begin to heal a few years back - he had genuine humility and compassion - a rarity - and drug reps are basically like the worst sort of hookers - at least hookers are honest about it