Jun 16, 2010

Hang a Left at the Giant Jesus

I, like most women, navigate by landmark. Men, on the other hand, usually navigate by direction, north, south, east or west. Test it out if you don’t believe me.

If you ask a man how to get to the airport you’ll get “Go West on Michigan Ave. then South on 275 and East on Eureka to the airport exit on the south side of the road.”

Women will say, “Take Michigan Ave that way (pointing) then go south on the freeway, take the Eureka road exit left. You can’t miss it. It’s right past the airport landing lights that run along the side of the freeway. Then there’s a big sign on the right side of Eureka for the airport entrance.”

I do have a good sense of direction.  Even after many turns I can generally tell where I am in relation to where I started.  But it's not a north / south thing.  I’ve never understood why someone needs a compass in their car. I only see two situations in which a compass would be handy. Lost at sea or lost in the wilderness and you have to make sure you don’t end up going in circles trying to find civilization. Do people really decide which way to turn at an intersectin by consulting their compass?

I used to regularly drive from our tech center in Michigan to our plant in Ohio. Four hours of driving down I75 through corn fields, boring/flat Ohio landscape and truck stops. If you weren’t careful you’d be mesmerized by the boredom and find yourself in Kentucky.

Fortunately, right next to my exit off the freeway, the Solid Rock Church built one of the most distinguishable landmarks I have ever navigated by. A giant Jesus. I’m not talking about a big Jesus. I mean a GIANT JESUS. He was pure white, outstretched hands to heaven, with the upper half of his body emerging from a man made pond. Just so you don't mistake him for John the Baptist, a big cross lays in front of him.  No possible way to miss it. From there it was right at the prison, left at the ice cream shop, left after you cross the bridge and then the first right. For the life of me I couldn’t tell you the name of one of those streets. But I trust that I could get you there time and time again.

That is, until today. My friend told me the bad news. The Giant Jesus was struck by lighting and burned to the ground. The church promises to “resurrect:” the statue. I wonder who came up with that line, the church or the journalist.

I can’t help but secretly think this is divine intervention. Some higher power trying to tell them that such an in-your-face symbol of Christianity isn’t everybody’s cup of tea. A message from on high to "Tone it down".

Their plan to rebuild the Jesus is a "testament" (see, I can do it too) to their commitment to bold statements of faith. As a precaution against another lightning strike I think they should give Jesus a lightning rod to hold over his head. Or would they worry that a lightning rod laid witness to their lack of faith and trust in God?

                                                                        BEFORE


                                                                          AFTER




19 comments:

  1. I heard about this..I don't know,it was a little in-yer-face,but I can see where it would make a fine landmark.

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  2. It was a lot in your face. Right on the side of the freeway, looming up out of the Ohio corn out of nowhere.... BAM...... Giant Jesus. Scared me the first time I saw it. I hope they make the next one prettier. Like Jesus should be.

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  3. I feel bad about the way Jesus isn't around anymore to defend himself.

    I feel the same way about Gary Coleman.

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  4. JP - Do you run the risk of getting smited when you pick on Gary Coleman?

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  5. I would question your dense of direction. I've seen a traffic circle really throw you off.

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  6. Miss Erica - first off, I love the hidden meaning in your misspelling. Dense of Direction.... get it?

    Second, traffic circles don't throw me off unless I have a hyper sensitive bride to be giving me less than clear directions.

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  7. Girl directions are far more understandable than boy directions. It will be interesting to see if the statue really resurrects.

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  8. I used to work for an agriculture publication where the farmers - really - directed not by NESW or even right and left, but by agricultural landmarks - ie: turn towards the red barn, and then follow the brown cows (not the black and white cows because those belong to my neighbour...)

    Sidenote: I'm not a fan of traffic circles :-)

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  9. Mom - I have a much easier time when a woman tells me how to get someplace. NSEW ---- I don't want to have to buy a compass.

    Dawn - Hmmm, interesting sub-group there. Could it be that it's mostly rural in farming communities? When you don't have many roads you resort to navigating by cows. My daughter lies..... I missed the turn off because she was yelling at me.

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  10. i know you said "giant jesus" right in the post title, but guinness! that was seriously a GIANT jesus!

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  11. I have to admit, though I'm not anti-religious, I am anti "shove religion down anyone's throat," and had a big old laugh about that one!

    I'm trying to figure out where it is-- I drive down a stretch of I75 pretty frequently, driving from Chicago to Knoxville, Tennessee, where my parents retired to. I've never seen the giant Jesus, though I was able to watch the progress in building the Creationism Museum over a couple of years.

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  12. Personally I'm agnostic, but if you want to build a Jesus statue I say knock yourself out. But a giant torso emerging from water? I always thought that was a little creepy.

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  13. mi - I wonder how big the Jesus would have to be to make Guiness' book. Maybe the resurrected Jesus will be a contender.

    Johnny - I75 around the 49 mile marker or so. It's the exit to Lebanon OH. The Jesus was on the east side. There's also a Trader World flea market there. They have a big sign with a rearing horse statue on top of it.

    G - He was very creepy. I always wondered if their fund raising didn't meet the target so they decided to go for a half Jesus. Maybe the original was supposed to be twice that size.

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  14. 1. Your new blog design is beautiful.

    2. I'm good with touch down Jesusi at critical places - like ... Notre Dame. This, of course, comes in really handy. I would have to drive out of my way, resorting to my own pretty good sense of direction, to avoid this thingie.

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  15. 1. Thanks
    2. Reports are the original touchdown Jesus is safe and sound.

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  16. Iwanski told me about this the other day--he & his friends were jokingly referring to it as "Touchdown Jesus." :)

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  17. I see you just referred to it as Touchdown Jesus, too--I guess that's not an original idea, after all. :)

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  18. I LOVE traffic circles (round-abouts) and ACTUALLY live quite near the only double round-about in North America. It keeps out the rift-raft. Sort of a built-in city defense.

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  19. MHP - He was also called "Butter Jesus". Not sure why.

    T - round-abouts seem to work well once you know to expect them but when they sneak up on you there's an initial panic. But really the worst thing that can happen is you go around in circles.

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