For various reasons I have been on an emotional roller coaster lately. I have felt anxiety, anger, grief, sorrow and helplessness. Some of the things causing these feelings were within my control so I calmed myself, said what I had to say and did what I had to do. Some of these things were due to my mistakes. I seem to make a mess of things sometimes. Even though I’m a mostly well intentioned person I can often be thoughtless and careless. I apologized, tried to make things better and hopefully learned from my mistakes.
Some of the things going on are totally out of my control, troublesome situations, not serious, but still emotionally draining. I can not change the circumstance. All I can do is change my reaction to it. Adjust, adapt and make the best of it if for me and the others in the same situation. This particular situation has a time limit. There is an end, not in the immediate future but out there on the horizon. This one is going to be sort of an endurance contest, a test of my ability to control my temper over and over again so I don’t make a life changing mistake.
The worst thing going on right now affects me only indirectly. It is directly affecting the people that I love most dearly in the world. There is nothing I can do but offer my love and support and be there if I’m needed. I have no answers to offer about why life is so unfair. Hell, it’s got me wondering the same thing. I have no way to make this better as much as I wish I could. This is weighing heavy on my heart and mind. I think about it constantly. I am coping by trying to be thankful for every day, for my loved ones and to not take anything for granted.