Jul 14, 2010
Fashion Disaster Plate
I usually don't go out on a fashion limb. Hell, I'm usually firmly on the ground hugging the tree trunk when it comes to fashion. I like white and black clothes. They go well with every other color. You simply can't mess it up. Perhaps you look boring, but you never look mismatched. When I really want to make a statement I do black and white together. Bold move, I know.
I have a long history of making poor fashion decisions. I blame it on my mother. Don't take pity on her. She's used to taking the blame. She has gladly accepted responsibility for my big feet, my mild heart defect, my thin lifeless hair and my introverted personality. I in turn am responsible for the genetic crosses I have laid across my children's shoulders. It's the whole circle of life - Take the bad with the good - Shutup and work with what you got - thing.
Why do I blame my poor fashion sense on my mother. See that picture above. I ran across it on the internet. It's a "vintage" pattern. That picture could be me, circa 1969, complete with pixie haircut, turtleneck and poncho. I think it actually might BE me. Butterick owes me some royalties. God I hate pixies.
Here's another sample from my childhood wardrobe. Stirrup pants. I had a pair that was exactly this color green. A humiliating choice when paired with a little sweater vest over a turtleneck.
Or how about this number. The BOX dress. Mine was a yellow plaid number made of wool. Ugly and itchy to boot. That dress was also responsible for my most embarrassing first grade moment. I neglected to put a shirt underneath it one morning when I decided to give Mom a break and dress myself for school. I left her sleeping as I walked to school not realizing (or maybe just not caring) that my little girl chest was on display for anyone who looked at me from the side. My mother was called to come get me and told to put some proper clothes on me.
Sure, these clothes look all mod and retro now but they were the stuff of nightmares to a girl who just wanted to wear bell bottom pants with cool vests. Or a kicky little dress with a scarf and white go-go boots. Sigh.
My whole life my outfits have always been a little off or a step behind or they just don't fit right. From tube tops and nylon "scene" shirts in '76 to the orange leather trench coat with the rabbit fur collar in '78. I learned to accept that "style" just does not come naturally to me. Then as I got older I realized that "my" style does come naturally to me. I know what I like, I know what I'm comfortable in and black and white never go out of style.