Jul 14, 2010

Fashion Disaster Plate

I usually don't go out on a fashion limb.  Hell, I'm usually firmly on the ground hugging the tree trunk when it comes to fashion.  I like white and black clothes.  They go well with every other color.  You simply can't mess it up.  Perhaps you look boring, but you never look mismatched.  When I really want to make a statement I do black and white together.  Bold move, I know. 

I have a long history of making poor fashion decisions. I blame it on my mother.  Don't take pity on her.  She's used to taking the blame.    She has gladly accepted responsibility for my big feet, my mild heart defect, my thin lifeless hair and my introverted personality.   I in turn am responsible for the genetic crosses I have laid across my children's shoulders.   It's the whole circle of life - Take the bad with the good - Shutup and work with what you got - thing. 

Why do I blame my poor fashion sense on my mother.  See that picture above.  I ran across it on the internet.  It's a "vintage" pattern.  That picture could be me, circa 1969, complete with pixie haircut, turtleneck and poncho.  I think it actually might BE me.  Butterick owes me some royalties.  God I hate pixies.

Here's another sample from my childhood wardrobe.  Stirrup pants.  I had a pair that was exactly this color green.  A humiliating choice when paired with a little sweater vest over a turtleneck.

Or how about this number.  The BOX dress.  Mine was a yellow plaid number made of wool.  Ugly and itchy to boot.   That dress was also responsible for my most embarrassing first grade moment.  I neglected to put a shirt underneath it one morning when I decided to give Mom a break and dress myself for school.  I left her sleeping as I walked to school not realizing (or maybe just not caring) that my little girl chest was on display for anyone who looked at me from the side.  My mother was called to come get me and told to put some proper clothes on me.

Sure, these clothes look all mod and retro now but they were the stuff of nightmares to a girl who just wanted to wear bell bottom pants with cool vests.  Or a kicky little dress with a scarf and white go-go boots.  Sigh. 

My whole life my outfits have always been a little off or a step behind or they just don't fit right.  From tube tops and nylon "scene" shirts in '76 to the orange leather trench coat with the rabbit fur collar in '78.  I learned to accept that "style" just does not come naturally to me.   Then as I got older I realized that "my" style does come naturally to me.  I know what I like, I know what I'm comfortable in and black and white never go out of style.


  1. I think mom made me the jumper on the child behind you.

  2. I shudder every time my mother opens one of the "family albums" - my 70s style was scary enough, but the 80s? I was a train wreck. Stupid thing is, I cannot blame my poor fashion sense on ANYONE in my family. They could all rock out the modern and the retro while I struggle not to embarrass my stepdaughter... I'm a black and white girl, too. Though, I often dream of colour.

  3. They are god awful when you come to think of it - like you I am "adventurous...denim and black. Denim and green. Denim and balck...and sometimes black and morone...a uniform dresser perchance...

  4. Oh, the stirrup pants...I wore black stirrup pants for much longer than I'd care to admit. Somehow I thought they looked good on me. I was (obviously) wrong. :)

    I'm not much of a fashion plate, either--mostly because I value comfort FAR above fashion. :)

  5. Tracky daks and hoodies here. No one cares what you look like when you're fifty, you kind of become invisible.

  6. i'm with you on the black and white! let me take that back. i'm with you on the black and black. in fact, i prolly have only about three items of clothing that have any splash of color, and a few more that are very muted dark colors.

    but i'm digging the box dress. i think i could rock that at christmas.

  7. Many a psych would be out of business if people actually started talking openly about pattern-makers and the fashions they thrust on/shoved on us. I have no intention of ever reliving any of those days. I trust that all photographic evidence has been destroyed.

    My trust might be misplaced, though.

  8. You're right, that was totally you. It was cute for the time though. And comparatively speaking your mom has great fashion sense.

    To this day I remember a pair of powder blue "hot pants" that she sewed for me one summer. I loved them.

  9. Sis - I thought that little blonde girl looked familiar. She even made it in blue. Maybe Mom had idealized notions of what her kids should be like.

    Dawn - I do go tie-dyed once in awhile. Reliving the old hippy dream. My daughter hates it.

    MC - That's my uniform too. Jeans and a shirt.

    MHP - They probably did look good on you. My green ones were matched with a blue sweater vest... YIKES.

    FM - Trakie daks? Translation please - must be an Australian thing.

    mi - I love black. So mysterious. Maybe you can get the box dress in black.

    Booda - I'll have to pull out some old pics to show everybody that I actually did wear these clothes.

    Scarlett - See, it does look exactly like me. Mom always did like you. No wonder she made you awesome pants.

  10. Pat - Sorry to be the one to break the news. Neither are: suede cowboy hats, leather pants, acid washed jeans or anything camo.