Nov 2, 2008

Bacon or sausage?

Presidential elections are getting to be like Christmas in Department stores. They both keep starting a little bit earlier every time. Tuesday is starting to feel like the finish line of a marathon race. Enough, already.

While reading up on the latest and greatest news about the election I came across an article titled "Praying for Election Day miracles". I read on, intrigued by the notion that God really cares who wins. I discovered that each of the opposing candidates have prayer circles across the country dedicated to them.

How does God decide which prayer circles will prevail? Is it based on the length of time the prayer circles pray? Does the number of faithful in the prayer circle impact God's decision? Or does God just end up flipping a coin when we aren't watching? Is proximity to Washington DC important? Some of the faithful believe it is since they are flocking to our nations capital to hold their prayer circles.

And once God decides who will win how does he manage it? Voter fraud, election tampering, you can't be too careful. I don't remember any uncontrollable urges to change my vote at the last minute. Does God make your car break down if you are on your way to vote for the wrong guy?

And why prayer circles? Wouldn't forming the devotees in the shape of a cross be more persuasive? Well, I digress.

The article I read contained the following quote.

We have just days to pray that someone who upholds the sanctity of life and marriage between one man and one woman will win," said Pam Olsen, co-pastor with her husband of the International House of Prayer in Tallahassee, Fla.

First off, how is gay marriage affecting the sanctity of marriage? You idiot! Second, why do you care? And third, did you know that you named your church after a popular restaurant chain that specialize in pancakes? I have to assume you did know because I can't imagine Tallahassee gets many international church goers.

Why did you name your church IHOP? Are you hoping to snag a few unsuspecting people who really just want a stack of hotcakes and stumble into your church by mistake? Were you sitting there enjoying a plate of Rooty Tooty Fresh and Fruity pancakes struggling with what to name your church? Holy House of Bible Thumping? First Church of the Self Righteous? Wait, I got it..... International House of Prayer.

Like I said, Tuesday can't come soon enough for me. I will be spending the next few days switching channels between MSNBC and Fox News. It's my way of balancing the news. Happy Voting!


  1. I'm laughing may ass off!..This was fun. :)

    The ads around these parts are claiming that gay marriage will infringe on their 'religious beliefs'!..How they arrive at that conclusion is beyond me.
    Wouldn't it follow then,that every religion aside from their fundamentalist brand of Christianity 'infringes' on their beliefs?..If God hasn't smacked these bigots down by now,I doubt that he cares much about who gets elected President.

  2. Sling - I'll never understand people who can't just mind their own damn business. Always telling others how to live their lives. Thanks for reading by the way!

  3. Of course God does not decide which pray circle will prevail because God doesn't have that power...if God had that sort of power, then why are children starving to death in this world? why do bad things happen to good people?