A crystal ball would come in really handy right now.

Mom went into the hospital today. I’m not sure why they need her to be there for a full six days before her surgery. Bad enough to have it looming over her head but to be stuck in there while waiting is close to torture.

Her surgery is scheduled for June 3rd. They will replace her artificial mitral valve. The surgeon says the survival rate is 80%. But I’m not sure if that factors in her specific risk factors; her age, the scar tissue from her previous operations and an increased risk of stroke because of the small stroke she had several months ago.

She’s scared but she’s ready. She says she is tired of feeling bad and not being able to do anything. She wants her life back. She has been going in every five to seven days for a three hour blood transfusion because her current valve destroys her red blood cells. She is in a near constant state of anemia.

Her brother came in from Germany this week. It’s so wonderful to see her relax in his presence. She seems to be able to forget about the whole thing when she is with him. I think she spends a lot of her time putting on a brave face for us. With him she can be the little sister.

This is so hard. We have been through it before and she has been fine. But what if she won’t be OK this time? I need to say some things to her just in case. But will that add to her anxiety and nervousness? I will just have to see how things go when I visit with her. Try to pinpoint that balance of optimism and realism that is so hard to find right now.