May 6, 2009

Move Over Lady.

Today I drove to work behind a woman putting her makeup on as she drove. For three miles I watched as she missed green lights, slammed on her brakes and weaved back and forth from one side of her lane to the other. I just don’t get it. Do you really save that much time and if so, is that time worth putting all of our lives at risk? Not to mention what you could do to yourself. I had a friend whose wife was a nurse. Her job was to evaluate the medical records associated with insurance claims. She told us a story about a woman using an eyelash curler at a red light who got rear ended and tore her eyelid off. Yowchh!

My father taught me to be a defensive driver. You never know what the asshats and morons on the road are going to do, so you try to anticipate it. This has gotten more difficult in the 30 years since I started driving. What with cell phones, IPods, navigation systems, in-car TVs and the like. In the old days you would see the occasional businessman reading the paper while driving. Nowadays everybody is messing with some electronic gizmo or another. (Side note – those Star Trek looking phones everybody is wearing in their ear makes them look silly. I also don’t appreciate how they constantly trick me into thinking they are talking to me.)

Most of us think that we are good drivers, 78% in one survey I read. It’s probably more like 20% good, 30% occasional asshats and 50% complete morons. I, of course, am solidly in the minority of good drivers. I am able to talk on my cell phone while keeping up with traffic. Being six feet tall allows me to easily drive with my knee. My cousin Diane taught me how to do that. It’s almost like having an extra arm. I can eat, talk on my cell and shift gears quite safely. I sense skepticism on your part. I would say “Believe me” but that smacks of self doubt. Let me prove it to you…… 10 question blog quizzes never lie.

You Passed Your Driver's Test

Congratulations, you got 8/10 correct.

You're a good driver - at least, when you want to be.


  1. Hahaha. love the comic. and your post. sadly I am probably a moron now that I've been in an accident and my clean record now tarnished. weep.

  2. An accident here or there does not necessarily make you a bad driver. Was it the other person's fault? Probably was. You are just a good driver who got in the way of a moron.

  3. I'm not going to take that test, but stuff like that drives me crazy. On the way to work I almost got hit twice by people with their heads up their butts, and one of those hits would have been fatal.
    There are so many people who don't use turn signals or blatantly ignore stop signs I want to taz them all.
    Don't get me started about talking on cell phones and putting on make up.
    Someone actually layed on the horn yesterday because I didn't rush a yellow/red light when our green was coming right up.

  4. Jeanna - They are idiots. Almost always because they are in a hurry to get somewhere too. If they did the math they would realize that you really don't save that much time.

  5. Riding my bicycle around town is like being in a war zone,and drivers are the enemy!
    It's no joke.
    If I drop my guard for a second,some moron will fly out of a driveway,or turn right while looking to their left(my favorite act of idiocy),and I'll be history.
    ..I haven't driven a car in over ten years,and I scored 8/10.

  6. Sling - I imagine that bicycles are for the most part invisible to the majority of drivers. Be careful out there.

  7. I just heard that yesterday, a trolley driver in Boston got into an accident that injured like 50 people. He said he was texting at the time of the accident. Doh! SO freakin' dumb!!!!