You're not wearing that, are you?

I should have known I was in trouble when, soon after meeting my husband, he showed up wearing a poncho (Mexican blanket type, not plastic rain type) and a suede cowboy hat. Now don’t get me wrong, I can definitely see the plus side of a man not afraid to wear this particular get-up ……… in Detroit. Though the down side is having to walk around with a man willing to wear this particular get-up ……… in Detroit. He no longer has his beloved poncho and hat. If you ask him what happened to it you will hear an impassioned story about a misunderstood man whose wife threw his beloved poncho and hat away when he wasn’t looking. If you ask me, I’ll just shrug and say “Prove it.”

Through the years he has made mostly utilitarian choices when it comes to clothing. Oh we’ve had the occasional mishap with a really loud sweater, but for the most part he’s presentable and sometimes downright dapper. Recently he has been purchasing clothes from a mail order place called “Territory Ahead”. They are very nice clothes with a southwestern feel to them. Since he has not purchased any ponchos from them you would think I would keep quiet. Can’t do it. I always have something to say. It’s part of my charm.

There are two items he pruchased from them that I hate. The first is a corduroy shirt. Sounds innocuous, but the grain goes horizontal, not vertical and it’s a very large grain. It just looks weird and it plays tricks with your eyes. It makes me feel like I should be looking for hidden pictures in the pattern. One night he insisted on wearing this when we went out for dinner. I railed on him for two or three minutes about how hideous his shirt was. I took a break from busting his chops to sample the bread basket. Our waiter came over, kind of a metro-sexual looking guy, he looks at my husband and says “Nice shirt. Where’d you get it?” Grrrrr.

The second item I hate is a jacket I not-so-affectionately call the “Jungle Jim Jacket”. It is khaki, nearly knee length, and has big huge pockets. To make matters worse it has a drawstring waist. When he wears it he reminds me of Teddy Roosevelt on African safari. Good luck Teddy! Hope you bag an elephant this time. Won’t that look nice mounted in the oval office?

As payback I think he has started to accuse me of dressing like an old lady. I do admit that flashy, patterned shirts hold more appeal for me lately, (think rhinestones and paisley). I attribute these flashy choices to letting my inner Cher out. Hmmmm..... maybe I'll try some feathered items next.